Matatu Madness

Matatu’s. Matatu touts. Matatu drivers.

I’m sure most of you have had an experience with these. At times we love them [why lie?] and at times we love to hate them [especially when we are inconvenienced]. Who else in Kenya, other than the MP’s of course, have the ability to be more ‘self-centered’ than Matatu’s? On the roads they believe they are always right. They know best. They are hardly ever on the wrong. They create road paths where none exist. Invent rules on the go. Harass private cars just for fun to see what their reaction will be.

Passengers are only valuable to them when not in the Matatu. Once they are in and have parted with the money [fare] anything goes.

Experiences vary.

You get to the stage. A fellow is hollering ‘tao 30’ for instance. You get in. the tout starts to collect the fare. You give him 50bob expecting change but alas! None comes your way. You ask in dismay, ‘wapi change?’ and you are told, ‘gari ni 50 stage yote’. You say, ‘tuliambiwa tao 30!’ and he retorts, ‘nani alisema hivyo mimi?’ At this point you either pick a verbal fight with him or quietly retreat into your seat while seething with anger and calling him names – but all in your mind.

You get to the stage. Get in a Matatu. The small trip to your home/office or wherever begins. You are seated minding your own business planning the day in your mind. The Matatu stops and picks more passengers once out of the line of vision of the traffic police’. The tout proceeds to tell those already in the Matatu ‘songa, tusongeane hapo, ruka hapo nyuma’ or loudly announce ‘ni kukaa wanne wanne kama PK’. Matatu’s can choose to stop at every other stage or non-stage to pick up excess passengers.

You get to the stage. Get in a Matatu. You see approaching Matatu’s flashing lights. A language is spoken. The signal is given. The Matatu slows down, stops and the tout decrees: ‘mwisho wa gari ni hapa’. You still have some way to go. Your surprise at this ‘decree’ leaves you dumbstruck. Police and Matatu’s have a relationship akin to oil and water.

You get to the stage. Get in a Matatu. All of a sudden the driver takes a road that completely takes you out of your route. You ask ‘mnaenda wapi sasa’ the reply comes’ tunahepa jam’. You sit there thinking, I will be late; I will have to walk back or get another Matatu back. Matatu’s can use the wrong route to get to the ‘final destination’ to avoid the traffic; the police crackdown  and  while at it they do not care that you have been taken out of the way how you get there is your worry.

In brief, whenever you deal with Matatu’s, be prepared for anything.