From one girl’s perspective!

There’s a high that comes with the onset of a new association… if I can call it that. Because it is not yet a full blown relationship and neither is it just plain friendship.

Think about the time when you met that new man. The smiles exchanged the butterflies in your stomach at your first date. How you felt when you realized you both like each other and the chemistry! Oh! The feeling is exhilarating to say the least. You know when you can’t get enough of him, want to see him/talk to him all the time, when you are thinking of him and when you reach for your cell to call/text him there he is doing exactly that, when you are busy doing something and you find yourself zoning out on him with a stupid grin on your face… that’s when you know you are sprung! You can’t explain it you just know it’s true.

Imagine yourself in this natural high… you are constantly smiling, looking forward to meeting later at ‘your joint’ that gooey feeling you get when you get a text and it’s him, how good it feels when he calls you at the end of every day to know how your day was, how happy you are when he introduces you to his other inner circle of friends… are you there?

Then one day it hits you the undreamed-of is happening. He is becoming distant, no longer communicating as he used to. So you call or text him, he responds to you-sometimes. Unexpectedly the man who kept time, who was always in tune to you no longer is! Admittedly you are filled with dread! [Or not depending on how you are wired]. So of course the phase that comes next is trying to figure out what you did/said that was wrong or not. Rarely will you find answers. Because when you ask him, he will say I’m okay. Everything is just fine!! Mind boggling isn’t it?

This compares to being on cloud 9 one second and the next, hitting rock bottom!

What is a girl to do then? I ask.

My answer, forget about him. I know the chances of that happening instantly are nil. What I’m saying is, focus your energies elsewhere, and don’t let thoughts of him to dominate your mind. That desire to call and just ‘hear’ his voice will ALWAYS check in. You however will need to deliberately take your thoughts somewhere else. Go cook, clean, run to the gym- in short do something that distracts you. Don’t put yourself in the position where you are pining after him, almost stalking him in the name of trying to get yourself back to where y’all were when it started out. Chances are if he’s not working on keeping whatever you had going on alive, his mind is fixated somewhere else not on you.

So dear girl, you’ve heard the quote ‘he’s just not that into you’, no? We’ll he’s not. It hurts to know this but when you think about it, it should help you put things into perspective. So instead of mopping around, wasting your thoughts and energies on him, missing out on other great chances... dust yourself off and get in the game again. Better still do the things you love to do. Get involved in activities that rejuvenate you and remind you how great life is and what your worth is. After all, the bible says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Look in the mirror, believe that about you and go out and face the world with a smile on your face. You see the reality is you will meet countless people in life. Some will like you some will not. That does not mean you are bad. Like companies like to say, maybe you’re not ‘a good fit’! Hahaha. So take the lesson, but don’t carry the bad experience around with you- that will only make you bitter. And no one wants a bitter woman around them, generally speaking.

That’s my 2cents!

Relationships and Money

Listening to this morning show and hearing what the women and men were saying, I was utterly shocked! It made me wonder what is so good about marriage. I know posing that question will draw funny looks and some will conclude ‘that is a single person talking… cross the bridge first then we will talk’.

Some Kenyan men are supposedly termed as ‘gum’. A man called in bragging that he is earning a 6 figure salary but only gives his wife 2,000 bob and added that the amount was even too much. A lady called in and said during courtship her now current husband would provide everything for her and prior to marriage proceeded to tell her she need not work because he will provide for her. The ring slipped on to her finger and all those promises precipitated! The things he did during courtship, he stopped doing. She said her once lovely hair is now all covered up. She bitterly said “he lied to me. I am tired of this life”. Obviously not all Kenyan men are like that but these few bad ones might just spread the rot to the few good one. Or not.

What is mind-boggling for simple me is this: why is it that Kenyan men view Kenyan ladies as money-hungry gold-diggers? Men seem to be very bitter when it comes to the touchy subject of money! So I ask, does every man have a nasty, sad story of how a woman ‘destroyed/milked him dry financially? Is that why they feel that their money is almost sacred? That it should not be discussed let alone shared/handled by a woman?

What changes once a man and a woman are married? Is it safe to say that all that happens before marriage is a façade? Is it all an act, a means to an end? Do individuals in courtship present the most favorable image of themselves, anything to get that lady to say “Yes I do” and the man to slip the ring on that finger? Are we quietly observing the other person, noting their weaknesses saying to ourselves once we are married ataniona?

In my opinion both spouses are a representation of each other to the outside world. When a woman steps out there, how she looks, behaves, speaks reflects on the husband. Notice I said in my opinion. I mean why else does a man who seemed like a nobody, get a good girl to marry and they settle down and one year down the line, women who would not look twice at this man are all of a sudden interested in him? If your wife looks shabby and unkempt whereas you are trotting around town in your Giorgio-Armani suit looking sharp and smelling good and enjoying attention from other women, shame on you. Ladies if you are dressed up to the Nine’s rocking Jimmy choo while your husband looks like a shamba boy [gardener] shame on you. Y’all need to look after one another! Even the bible says so. Husbands take care of your wife. Wives submit to your husband.

See, the bottom line is LOVE. There is no way anyone can claim to love anything/anyone and act in a manner to suggest otherwise. As individuals, we love ourselves. We will do anything for our own pleasure. When you feel sad you will find a way to cheer yourself up. When you’re happy you will call your friends and celebrate. If you see a new toy/dress/ shoe/car/suit you will organize yourself and get that. Why? Because the ultimate end to that is your happiness. So I do not see how as a man I will profess to love you and then turn around and say ‘no way in hell will I let you, my wife, use my money. If you ever find yourself, treating or thinking of another person with spite in your heart, then know that no love exists in your heart. And when it comes to that you need Jesus- the source of all love.

That’s just me.